Something I needed to say.....
It is said that 'honesty is the best policy'. Words that are said yet not acted on by majority of us and the reason, well for the most part I don't know the reason. Maybe because we are too sensitive to admit the truth to others let alone ourselves. Or, possibly because we don't want to believe what is supposed to be the honest way.
Being honest is never as easy as it seems and for many it is far from being seen as easy! Which is why, if I am to be honest is the reason as to why I am even writing this. For it is 100% easier to type this behind the screen of my laptop than preach it to those around me. I, as I assume many, want to be honest in life and that starts with being honest about who I am.
Who am i? One of the hardest questions that can be asked to a young adult like me. When I was younger I used to answer that question by saying my name and what I was studying at university or what hobbies I involved myself in. Now however, I feel as if that question can only be answered by the stereotypical answers of my job, my family and my love life. And that is where I am not honest. But i realise that it's not healthy to keep the lies in and it has never been good to hide them within!
So, I tell myself that honesty is the best policy and with that at the forefront of my thoughts I am going to be the most honest I have been in a very long time. I am gay. For a long time I thought that I was going through a phase, labelling it to myself as bisexual at uni, so no one thought anything of it because that's what you're meant to do at university, have fun with your sexuality. However for me, it was not just a fun phase but a feeling of love that I enjoyed and made me happy. Made me feel normal and understand what it the crazy emotion that is love!
However, honesty is never that simple. So whilst I can be my true self whilst writing this post on a blog that will most likely only be seen by a few Internet people who are bored in the dark hours of the mornings and happen to stumble onto this piece of almost sad writing! I am yet to be honest to those close to me, for if I do speak the truth I know it will cause hurt and anger to those that I love. And let me ask you, who wants to see those you love and care about you look at you as if you are a stranger, a shadow of someone that they used know and love. Because if I'm honest I don't want that.
To which I return to the line that 'honest is the best policy' because when looking at its effects I don't believe for a second that some people would see it that way! Me, myself and I, I hope to one day to tell my hidden secrets and not be judged for the person I am, not the person I'm expected or presumed to be!
Thanks for the read,
AS xx
